Saturday, February 26, 2011

Why the Change of Heart?

Anyone who knows me well is probably in shock right now.

Yes, this is a blog. And yes, I am writing it.

Truth be told, I detest blogs. And that is D-E-T-E-S-T. Yes, in all caps and spaced out weird like that. People are perplexed by my overt (and even loud, perhaps) verbal expressions of my blog detestation. Why perplexed? Because...I love writing. I am a bit of a writer. You'd think I'd LOVE blogs.

But I don't. Or at least I

Reading blogs used to bother me. And, if I'm 100% honest with you, some still do (but I'm workin' that out). What is it about blog-world that makes some people insist on portraying their lives as all peaches and cream? Or why do they use their blog to seemingly remind us of how much better (i.e. smarter, more put together, just how more all-around-perfect) they are than the rest of us - 14-syllable words and all? Or why do some seem to think that THEIR wisdom and knowledge of the world is SO much more vast and insightful than our own that we must all listen to them and follow them...waiting with bated breath until they release their next blog entry?

I KNOW! I'm a little ugly about it, aren't I? Eeek!

But then...I got over myself.

Or, I should say, the Lord helped me get over myself and my rampant blogism. You see, here was my issue: it was MY issue. You following me? Whatever someone wrote or said or pictured or shared, I CHOSE to react the way I did to those things. It was MY issue within myself. All my feelings of inadequacy, lack of self-confidence, jealousy, belief of imperfection and never being good enough...all those things I thought I'd gotten "victory" over years ago. Nope. And I CHOSE to react the way I did to ALL blogs. Dumb, huh? It's been another invaluable lesson to me that I must constantly be on guard against the enemy using those old beliefs to rear THEIR ugly heads and plant lies in MY head. It happens to all of us in some way, shape or form, doesn't it? We must be alert and aware at all times.

Brings to mind one of my top 100 favorite verses...

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil, 
prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

So, here we are. Me writing a blog. 

And even if I'm the only one who reads it, it's still a victory. It's a victory because it's another compartment of my heart - a blind-spot in my life - that God has gotten ahold of and opened up. Changed. And that is what I pray for every single day - a changed heart. A willing heart that will fully extend HIS glory to the ends of the that ALL people can know the FREEDOM and eternal LOVE and LIFE of Jesus Christ.

Love it. :)